It's taken me a while to realize it, but I was afraid to question because I was afraid of being shunned

 I will forever be ashamed of all the HORRIBLE things the Mormon cult made me believe. I wish I would have seen through the lies earlier.

I have a brother who is very rational. Not really swayed by emotional arguments. He saw through the church's bull shit at a very young age and was treated horribly. One leader told the other kids not to hang out with him. One kid told him, "I don't know how your family loves you".

When we were in high school, my brother told me that Joseph Smith was a polygamist. My response? "Where'd you read that? The Internet??" said with as much disdain as my pompous Mormon butt could muster.

Yes. Yes, he did read that on the Internet. Did that make him wrong? No. Did it make me a brainwashed cult victim who was too afraid to look at non-cult-approved sources? Yes. Yes, it did. I am still ashamed it took me 5 years to leave after that.

But I saw the way my brother was treated. I can only assume that it's a big part of the reason I was afraid to question. Afraid to read things on the evil Internet the way my brother had.

Church culture instilled in me the idea that questioning would bring disdain and shunning.

It hurts to think about it. I hurt for my brother. I hurt for myself. This is abuse. The cult doesn't just ALLOW this horrendous behavior. It ENCOURAGES children and adults to be treated this way.

They discourage questioning and hide the truth to the extent that their law firm, Kirton McConkie, DESTROYS DOCUMENTS related to child sex abuse. They systematically suppress truth.

Joseph Smith questioned and looked for truth, but he's the only one allowed to do that. As a member, it's your job to have faith and never doubt.

It's a disgusting cult.

The Work and the Glory book series depicted Joseph Smith's polygamy as an anti-Mormon lie.

Hey, Mormons! Remember how The Work and the Glory books depict Joseph Smith as DEFINITELY NOT a sexual predator practicing secret polygamy and polyandry and any character who disagreed was an anti-Mormon liar? Guess what? That's a dishonest portrayal of history and those "anti-Mormons" weren't the liars.

This feels really important to me because of how prominently this book series was displayed in Mormon households around me growing up. 

I did a lot of babysitting for Mormon families in the 2000s, and it was always there, right on the family room shelf next to a bunch of other church books. 

My grandma still has her copies, the ones that I borrowed and read one summer during high school.

I didn't bat an eye when I read that Joseph Smith's polygamy was an anti-Mormon lie in the books because I was never taught the truth!

The church lied to me. 

The church knew I was not learning an accurate narrative. They didn't bother to tell the truth. They're only reluctantly doing so now because the Internet has freed people to find information on their own and that's for forcing the church's hand. 

Controlling information by whitewashing, actively lying, and gaslighting members when we complain that we WERE NOT taught this information about very relevant and important church history is one of many reasons I think the church is a cult.  

I'm tired of genuine expressions of pain being labeled as "hate"

It's culty to silence people who talk about why they left the church. People should be able to talk about the ways the church caused them pain and trauma.

This focus on keeping it all "positive" and spreading "peace" is impossible when there is real harm done by the church.

It is not "hate" or "being anti-Mormon" to tell real stories and express real pain!

When you hear a Mormon say that someone is spreading "hate" or being really "anti", that probably means they heard someone talk about real pain caused by the church, but they just don't want to hear it.

For most of us who leave, we realllllly want to be heard! Just to be heard! That's all. We don't have to agree. We don't have to believe the same things.

But so many of us never even get to talk because we are told we are being hateful, that we are deceived, or that we are attacking someone's faith by expressing our own pain...