It's taken me a while to realize it, but I was afraid to question because I was afraid of being shunned

 I will forever be ashamed of all the HORRIBLE things the Mormon cult made me believe. I wish I would have seen through the lies earlier.

I have a brother who is very rational. Not really swayed by emotional arguments. He saw through the church's bull shit at a very young age and was treated horribly. One leader told the other kids not to hang out with him. One kid told him, "I don't know how your family loves you".

When we were in high school, my brother told me that Joseph Smith was a polygamist. My response? "Where'd you read that? The Internet??" said with as much disdain as my pompous Mormon butt could muster.

Yes. Yes, he did read that on the Internet. Did that make him wrong? No. Did it make me a brainwashed cult victim who was too afraid to look at non-cult-approved sources? Yes. Yes, it did. I am still ashamed it took me 5 years to leave after that.

But I saw the way my brother was treated. I can only assume that it's a big part of the reason I was afraid to question. Afraid to read things on the evil Internet the way my brother had.

Church culture instilled in me the idea that questioning would bring disdain and shunning.

It hurts to think about it. I hurt for my brother. I hurt for myself. This is abuse. The cult doesn't just ALLOW this horrendous behavior. It ENCOURAGES children and adults to be treated this way.

They discourage questioning and hide the truth to the extent that their law firm, Kirton McConkie, DESTROYS DOCUMENTS related to child sex abuse. They systematically suppress truth.

Joseph Smith questioned and looked for truth, but he's the only one allowed to do that. As a member, it's your job to have faith and never doubt.

It's a disgusting cult.