We like to think we're so rational and logical, but I think leaving a cult is really all about emotion.

Hear me out: Everyone leaves because of emotion. The emotional costs of staying have to be higher than the emotional costs of leaving before our brains acknowledge the logical stuff. That's why we all had "shelves". We couldn't immediately leave any time we came across something that felt wrong.

Our brains are always doing this cost-benefit analysis, and most of the time as members we just couldn't afford to acknowledge the problems, no matter how immoral or illogical.

So many people are still trapped because of this! The emotional damage that could be done if they leave can be very high.

Maybe you are a child who has to fit in to please your parents. 

Maybe you will lose your spouse and children if you stop believing. 

Maybe you are just someone who really needs to feel like you have a social group to belong to. All of us humans need that feeling!

Maybe it's all of these emotional costs and more! 

Whatever it is, the cult had trapped many of us emotionally to the point that even the most ridiculous, fantastical, immoral, and illogical things ended up on our shelves.

They create a system that traps others still today because the emotional costs of leaving are just way too high.

So that leads me to the next logical step in this: what is it that finally puts so many of us over the edge eventually? What is it that finally makes the emotional costs of staying outweigh the very high emotional costs of leaving?

What do you guys think? What feelings did you have that eventually led you to be able to face the cognitive dissonance and leave?

Personally, I've realized that becoming financially independent from my parents really helped me leave the church. Once I had that freedom, it was like the "costs of leaving" side of the equation instantly shrunk because I didn't have to be afraid of losing my parents' support. I was finally able to acknowledge the "costs of staying" side and decide that those costs were too high to stay.

They still cut me off... One day after I told them I thought it was a cult I woke up to find that the cell phone they were paying for just didn't work anymore. Heh. Whatever. 

It's been like 7 years now, and we're finally rebuilding those bridges in healthy, loving ways that don't involve the conditional-love teachings of a cult. 

So glad I left! 

It's taken me a while to realize it, but I was afraid to question because I was afraid of being shunned

 I will forever be ashamed of all the HORRIBLE things the Mormon cult made me believe. I wish I would have seen through the lies earlier.

I have a brother who is very rational. Not really swayed by emotional arguments. He saw through the church's bull shit at a very young age and was treated horribly. One leader told the other kids not to hang out with him. One kid told him, "I don't know how your family loves you".

When we were in high school, my brother told me that Joseph Smith was a polygamist. My response? "Where'd you read that? The Internet??" said with as much disdain as my pompous Mormon butt could muster.

Yes. Yes, he did read that on the Internet. Did that make him wrong? No. Did it make me a brainwashed cult victim who was too afraid to look at non-cult-approved sources? Yes. Yes, it did. I am still ashamed it took me 5 years to leave after that.

But I saw the way my brother was treated. I can only assume that it's a big part of the reason I was afraid to question. Afraid to read things on the evil Internet the way my brother had.

Church culture instilled in me the idea that questioning would bring disdain and shunning.

It hurts to think about it. I hurt for my brother. I hurt for myself. This is abuse. The cult doesn't just ALLOW this horrendous behavior. It ENCOURAGES children and adults to be treated this way.

They discourage questioning and hide the truth to the extent that their law firm, Kirton McConkie, DESTROYS DOCUMENTS related to child sex abuse. They systematically suppress truth.

Joseph Smith questioned and looked for truth, but he's the only one allowed to do that. As a member, it's your job to have faith and never doubt.

It's a disgusting cult.